Some of you might remember a post I did {almost exactly one year ago} where I compared the emotions while going through a miscarriage, or pregnancy after a loss, to the emotions while riding a roller coaster. Well, right now I am 7 Weeks Pregnant and I am back on that roller coaster emotional ride.
For the most part, the past week was pretty uneventful. But, that was part of the problem. I am not having terrible morning sickness, just a bit of nausea throughout the day, so I have been certain that something was wrong and I was going to get bad news this week {side note :: in most all of my pregnancies, week 7 is when I would learn there was a problem or learn that I was certainly miscarrying, so this week of pregnancy has been hard on me}.
The spotting from the last couple of weeks has stopped and I am only having mild cramping, so there really was no reason to assume something was wrong…but I am still stuck in the mindset that someone is about to give me bad news {trust me, it is a lot easier to say everything is fine than to really believe it}.
Then yesterday happened.
When I had gone to bed the night before, my cramping was getting worse. The pain woke me up at 3 am and I was certain I was having a miscarriage {the cramping was that bad}. I instantly got out of bed to check the sheets for bleeding, but there was nothing.
I waited until my OB’s office opened for the day and I immediately called in. The certified midwife that does the ultrasounds in my OB’s office was delivering a baby, but they had me come in right away anyways as they thought she would be back soon.
So, there I sat in the ultrasound room waiting for her. Unfortunately something came up and she wasn’t sure when she would be back. But, by the time I had gotten this news, I had been sitting in that room for about an hour and had started to cry. It all felt too familiar.
Aside from the fact that I was having this pain, the nurse then also told me they had gotten my beta numbers back and they were at 26,789. Given that I was at 8,660 exactly 8 days ago, I had assumed my numbers would be higher {if they had been doubling at the “expected” minimum of 96 hours, they would have doubled at least twice in this 8 day period and I would have been at least at 34,640}. So, between the pain and what I assumed were low beta numbers, I figured the worst outcome was about to happen.
Given that the midwife was unable to get back to do an ultrasound for me, they sent me down to radiology where they fit me into one of their emergency ultrasound time slots.
The ultrasound results were not what I was expecting. The baby measured 7 weeks 1 day {exactly where Cletus should be} and the heart beat was pumping away at 135 {which is strong for 7 weeks}. I had prepared myself for the worst and was caught off guard with such good results!
The only thing that they saw was that my uterus isn’t shaped right. Instead of a smooth curve along the top, mine is heart shaped. So, instead of implanting right in the middle at the top of my uterus, Cletus implanted off to the right and a bit closer to the “horn” than would be perfectly ideal, or so I was told.
So, the pain was chalked up to my growing uterus and {possibly by the} placement of Cletus {Cletus, by the way, is what Graham named the baby for the time being……Cletus the Fetus}.
Within one short day I had gone from a very low, sad state of emotions to sheer excitement that everything was still okay. But, I continue to have my good moments and my bad moments. When the nausea is really bad, I know Cletus is still hanging around. But, when I am feeling great, I start to get anxious.
After having multiple pregnancy losses, and week 7 typically being the doomsday week, I am giving myself a pass for being a bit of an emotional mess {and if you are going through something similar, you should give yourself a pass too}.
In other good news, my progesterone came back in the normal range at 17 {in all of my prior pregnancies, my progesterone was low and I was given suppositories} and yesterday my thyroid TSH levels were in the normal range at 3.4 {in the first two losses, my TSH levels at this same time were really high at 12 and 8, so still having them in the normal range is really exciting}.
Next Friday I go in for the OB intake appointment where I get a physical, some blood work, and we go over things such as family medical history. This is the first time my OB has even had me schedule this appointment! In any of my other pregnancies, we get to this point {the dreaded 7th week} and I am already having issues, so she has never had me schedule it. Therefore, having this on my calendar is a big deal for me!
Unless I start bleeding again {I have had no spotting since last Thursday}, I will not have another ultrasound until somewhere between 10 and 12 weeks {it will get scheduled next Friday}. I am hoping by this point, and after the next ultrasound, I will finally start to feel like this pregnancy is really happening and that it will not be taken away from me. I am sure the uncertainty will never go away fully, not until I am holding this baby in my arms, but I do hope to start leading a more “normal” pregnant, excited life!
All about my 7th Week of Pregnancy :
How far along today: 7 weeks, 2 days
The baby is the size of a: Blueberry
The baby is working on: The mouth and tongue are forming, arm and leg buds are starting to sprout, and the kidneys are getting ready to work
Gender: Unknown
Maternity clothes: Nope
Stretch marks: Not yet!
Belly button in or out: In
Sleep: I am having terrible nightmares, mostly about miscarrying. I wake up multiple times per night and still cannot seem to sleep past three or four
Best moment this week: The ultrasound where we confirmed the baby grew in size and the heartbeat continued to strengthen
Worst moment this week: Waking up to pain and thinking that I was having a miscarriage
Miss anything: My family, especially my mom
Movement: Nope, not yet
Cravings: Not anything in particular, but I have become more finicky in what I eat simply based on whether or not I think my stomach will be able to handle it at that moment. Oh, I do still have a growing fondness for orange juice, though! It seems to go good with anything
Queasy or sick: Still just queasiness and I am much more tired throughout the day {but that could also be due to the lack of sleep}
Looking forward to: Seeing my Dad and Sue for Christmas Eve and Day and for the OB intake appointment next Friday.
If you want to get caught up on our four-year-long story that lead up to this pregnancy, make sure to check out my posts as a part of the “Surviving Infertility” category.
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My Entire Pregnancy Story
This post was all about being pregnant with my first son, Laughton. After a complicated, high-risk pregnancy, he was born on Mother’s Day 2014 at 28 weeks with a rare condition and passed away shortly after birth. If you would like to read about what my husband and I experienced during the pregnancy, and as we began the grieving process, here is a list of all the posts in order for you:
5 Weeks Pregnant :: pregnancy announcement
6 Weeks Pregnant :: morning sickness cure
7 Weeks Pregnant :: cramping, betas, and a heart-shaped uterus
8 Weeks Pregnant :: normal spotting and a 3D ultrasound
9 Weeks Pregnant :: a calm week
12 Weeks Pregnant :: subchorionic bleed
14 Weeks Pregnant :: the check after the subchorionic bleed
18 Weeks Pregnant :: the first kicks
19 Weeks Pregnant :: the gender guessing game
20 Weeks Pregnant :: when the abnormalities were discovered
22 Weeks Pregnant :: having to make a tough decision
25 Weeks Pregnant :: excessive amniotic fluid
28 Weeks Pregnant :: too beautiful for earth – surviving infant loss